


as we drifted towards the storm

by haipollai



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Falling In Love, Homophobia, Injury, M/M, Tattoo Artist Steve, Violence, coming home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-17
Updated: 2012-12-17
Packaged: 2017-11-21 10:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/596441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky straddles Steve's hips and he looks down at Steve's back, trying to follow all the lines and images and figure out what they all mean. Steve's head rests on his arms and he's smiling, letting Bucky explore. Without asking, Bucky knows that each line of ink Steve has, has some meaning to him. Except with whatever their relationship is, Bucky isn't sure he has a right to ask. A few nights together doesn't make them lovers, or dating or even friends.</p>
<p>He only has two days before his leave is up but for the first time he can remember, he doesn't want his leave to end. He wants to stay in Steve's bed, watching the other man sketch, listen to him talk about the people they get in the shop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	as we drifted towards the storm

James Barnes enlists when he's 18. He has been bounced between foster homes for years and, by the time he finishes high school, there's no other choice but the military. He's smart enough to see if he sticks around, the only place he's going is jail. So he goes into the Army and he thrives, works his ways up the rank. They give him a sniper rifle and put him in a Special Ops unit. He meets Sam Wilson and Thomas Raymond and he doesn't want anything else. They become Falcon and Toro and Bucky.

His little sister tries to understand but she doesn't get the appeal of being part of something bigger than him so completely. He lives and breathes and fights for these men. They're family. And he feels like he's finally doing something good with his life. All that wasted time is behind him.

Sam is discharged first, he's made his way up the ranks and he's ready to go home. James plans on struggling on, making this his career. Serving for something greater than himself.

He and Toro go visit Sam for a few days while on leave. It's Toro who suggests it, that they get their unit's crest as a tattoo. Sam picks the shop, says he's found the perfect place. There's only a few people working there, but the place feels alive as they walk in.

There are two people at the front desk. The woman beams at them and leans forward. There’s the hint of ink at the neckline of her shirt but nothing else. Everything about her screams class. "Hello, Sam."

"Peggy, Steve," he greets them both as he drapes his arms over Toro and Bucky's shoulders, dragging them close. "Meet Bucky and Toro, two of my best friends."

-

Bucky straddles Steve's hips and he looks down at Steve's back, trying to follow all the lines and images and figure out what they all mean. Steve's head rests on his arms and he's smiling, letting Bucky explore. Without asking, Bucky knows that each line of ink Steve has, has some meaning to him. Except with whatever their relationship is, Bucky isn't sure he has a right to ask. A few nights together doesn't make them lovers, or dating or even friends.

He only has two days before his leave is up but for the first time he can remember, he doesn't want his leave to end. He wants to stay in Steve's bed, watching the other man sketch, listen to him talk about the people they get in the shop.

Steve's smile falters. "Buck?"

"Sorry, it's nothing." He presses a kiss to the skin behind Steve's ear. "Tell me about your first tattoo."

-

Bucky wakes up to an empty bed but Steve's side is still warm. Bucky waits a few minutes but there's no sound of Steve returning. There's no sound at all so he opens his eyes. Steve's standing in the window wearing only a pair of sweats. He's outlined by the early sun, yellow light slicing through the window, turning him into a silhouette.

Bucky rolls onto his side to watch him better. The army taught him to wake up fast but he sees no reason to move. Steve notices anyway and half turns and looks back at him.

"You leave tomorrow."

Bucky presses down into the pillow, wanting to hide from the disappointment in Steve's look. He'd been trying to think of this as just a fling, a fun way to spend his leave. But with Steve looking at him like that, he knows he's just been lying to himself. "I'll be able to email you while I'm on base. Come back to bed."

Steve lingers for a second but then nods and slips in under the covers beside Bucky. His fingers touch Bucky's cheek and trail down to his neck. Bucky holds his breath as Steve touches the still sensitive skin on his bicep. "Take care of it, okay? Don't want to hear you let it get scarred or infected."

"Promise." He slides forward and presses a kiss to Steve's shoulder. He's spent the last three days tracing the ink on his skin, learning all the lines and he still doesn't think he's had enough time. "I'll come back."

Steve runs his fingers through Bucky's hair, gently drawing his head back and kisses his forehead. "Come home," he whispers.

Bucky's breath catches at the word home. The protests form on the tip of his tongue but all he can do is nod.

-

He still doesn't think of getting a discharge. Talking to Steve on Skype, one more short visit. It's all good enough. Bucky never expected much from his life and he doesn't expect much from this thing with Steve. Everyone leaves him eventually so he'll enjoy having Steve for as long as possible. They talk a little about Bucky getting stationed somewhere in the States. But it's all just talk and nothing ever comes of it.

Until the IED goes off.

The bomb leaves scarring on Bucky's arm from the shrapnel. The doctors say he was lucky. If he'd reacted any slower, he would have caught the brunt of it in the face.

They say he's lucky and they send him home with nothing but a monthly disability check to look forward too. He doesn't feel very lucky.

-

Bucky's pulse pounds in his ear. One more, he has to get through one more, then one more. He can do this. Then he feels something pull and tighten in his arm and he crumbles. "Buck? Bucky!" Steve's home. Bucky grits his teeth and rolls onto his back. He yells at himself to move. "Goddamnit Buck," Steve sighs.

He watches out of his peripheral vision as Steve walks around him to the kitchen and knows that he's getting the pain medication there. He's proven right when Steve comes back with the pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Bucky manages to get himself up to the couch, keeping all his weight off his left arm.

"If you keep on pushing yourself like this, it'll only get worse." Steve sits down next to him. Bucky shrugs and swallows back the pills. "Bucky-"

"I hate feeling useless, okay? And this damn arm…" He cuts himself off sharply.

Steve cups his face and gently turns him to face him. His thumb traces Bucky's lips. "Go shower, I want to take you out."

"Take me where?" He wants to stay home, wallow in his self-pity a little bit longer but Steve kisses his forehead.

"Out. You're driving yourself crazy here. I got a few good tips today, we can get dinner."

Bucky smiles shakily and nods. "Shower with me?"

Steve doesn't need any more encouragement. In the shower, his fingers tangle in Bucky's hair, finding the lines of his scars and he kisses each one. Bucky's fingers splay over Steve's skin, not quite clinging to him. If he clings too tightly, Steve might slip through his fingers.

-

There isn't much work for a vet with limited use of one arm. The tattoo shop doesn't need someone stuck up at the front desk the entire time.

Gabe, the shop's piercer, introduces him to Dugan who runs a garage. Dugan agrees to take him on, show him the ropes and if he can keep up, he'll keep Bucky on.

It doesn't matter if his arm hurts everyday when he gets home. His physiotherapist gives him dirty looks and lectures about putting him back weeks worth of work, if not more. But Bucky's out doing things again, everyone else at the shop is patient with him. They're good people and at the end of the day he goes home to Steve.

He hurts but it's a hurt he can live with. It's a hurt he makes himself live with because there's no other option.

-

Peggy looks thoughtfully at his arm. Somehow even with her hair piled in a messy bun on her head, she looks elegant. She belongs in a pressed suit, with a solid 9-5. Not in a slightly worn down looking tattoo shop.

Bucky eyes the needle. This was easier when he was too distracted by Steve in a tight t-shirt to think about what he was about to do. He swallows nervously. "Hurry up before I change my mind."

"You won't." But she moves closer and arranges Bucky's arm so she can reach the outline already impressed on his arm. "You want to do this too badly." Bucky falls silent as the machine turns on, the gentle whirring filling in the space. He knows she's right, there's no way he'd back down from this. He has to do this for Steve.

He takes a sharp breath as the needle touches his skin. Steve isn't there. Sam's dragged him out for a few hours and he thinks Bucky's at work. Bucky wants this to be a surprise. Now he's always wishing Steve was there; someone to hold his hand, as silly as it sounds.

Peggy knows him well enough that she doesn't try to force him to talk as she works.

"Are you sure he'll like it?" He asks halfway through.

She glares up at him for a split second. "I designed the damn thing. Of course he'll like it."

After she finishes it and wraps it, he waits patiently as she cleans everything up. Together they leave the shop and head to the bar where Sam and Steve are waiting. They swing their hands and talk about TV and Peggy chides him for not reading enough. Steve beams when he sees them and Bucky's not sure what he's done to get someone like Steve.

Maybe this is the real reward for fighting for his country.

A man and home and the ink on his skin to prove it all.

Steve cups his cheek as he leans down to kiss him. His hand slides down to his arm, noticing the plastic under his jacket. "What…?" Bucky bites his lip nervously as Steve pushes the jacket back, off his shoulders. Bucky rolls his shoulders as much as he can to help out. "Peggy?" Steve asks, gently turning him so he can see better. Bucky nods wordlessly, waiting for some kind of judgment. "Good, Peggy does good work." He's staring intently at Bucky's arm and everything else just slips away. It's just them.

"I uh…it's a crown. Steve, stephanos? Means crown in Greek and I thought well, getting a name seems a bit cliche but-"

Steve cuts him off with a long deep kiss, his tongue sliding over Bucky's lips, and drawing him into the kiss. "I love you."

Bucky smiles in relief and wraps his arms loosely around Steve's waist. "You'll have to do something for me."

Steve's eyes sparkle. "Might have something in mind. Come on." He guides Bucky back into the bar where Sam and Peggy are waiting for them. Steve's arm stays around his shoulder during the night. Later when they go home, Steve carefully stripes him out of his shirt and carefully peels away the plastic. He has lotion on hand that he gently rubs into Bucky's skin. The tattoo is on his left arm, covering his scars. Steve's fingers trace the lines of ink around and around. "I want to add to it."

"Please." He wants Steve's marks on his skin. He wants people to see him and without a word know that he has the best man in the world. Steve's hand is still curled around his bicep. Bucky turns into him, kisses his jaw. "After you get that tattoo about me. Will it be cheesy and over your heart?"

Steve chuckles and leans in, his lips dragging over his cheek. "It'll be a surprise."

"Well, then. At the very least, you can get out of your clothes and fuck me."

"Yea, that I can do."

-

Steve's fingers trace the tattoo on his shoulder, the crest from Bucky's unit. The first piece Steve ever did on him. The first time he touched him. Bucky thinks sometimes he must remember it wrong, as if he met Steve before that moment when he sat down with him to draw the tattoo. Steve leans down to touch his lips to it, mouthing the point of the crest.

"It's Monday," he says against Bucky's skin, Steve's day off. He trails kisses up Bucky's neck and his lips close over Bucky's ear, sucking lightly. Bucky sighs and lets Steve move him onto his side, lets him have control as he slowly works Bucky open. Bucky reaches between them, wrapping his hand around Steve, stroking in time with the in-and-out of Steve's fingers.

It's slow and leisurely, taking their time. When he opens his eyes, Bucky can see the crap weather outside but with Steve wrapped around him and inside him, it doesn't matter.

-

Bucky waits outside the bar for Steve. He'd called to say he would be a little late so Bucky stands outside for a quick smoke. He doesn't do it that often but he's picked it up in the army and never been able to completely quit. A passerby stops and comments on his tattoo. "Army Ranger?"

Bucky nods cautiously. "Yea, you too?"

"Nah, just infantry, always wanted to make it though. What the hell are you doing in a place like this?" He drops his voice lower as if suddenly they'd close enough to be sharing secrets.

"Place like what?" Bucky looks around, hoping to see Steve turning a corner. He realizes now how empty the street is; it’s too cold for most people to bother and too early for there to be that many people out clubbing.

"You know. Fags."

The guy's friends have gathered closer too and Bucky starts to wonder if he can get back inside.

"Waiting for someone."

"Think he’s waiting for his boyfriend," one of the other guys says.

"Hope you didn't hurt yourself thinking of that," Bucky sneers. He wishes he was armed (or had been smart enough to wait inside).

One of the men snarls and Bucky manages to avoid the first fist and even land a few of his own but then he twists something in his arm wrong and they notice. He's dragged into an alley for the fight to continue and a well-placed kick sends him to his knees. There are too many of them and only one of him and the numbers win out. He hears them yell and curse, call him fag and a disgrace. Shouldn't have been allowed to serve. It’s when one of them starts talking about cutting off the tattoo that he manages to pull himself back together, just enough to throw himself past them, out of the alley. A woman screams and there are yells for someone to call an ambulance.

He wants to argue, insist he'll be fine but he knows something is sprained or broken in his chest and his left arm is in agony all the way down to his wrist. Steve's face swims into view and Bucky wants to assure him that he’s okay but Bucky's just so grateful that he's there that the words don't come.

Steve s allowed onto the ambulance when it finally arrives and holds his right hand tightly. He promises it'll be okay. Bucky is alive and that's what counts. He’ll get better. Bucky manages a nod even as the painkillers drag him under.

He wakes up to a hospital room and pain and panic sets in. He's thrown back to the hospital room he woke up in after the explosion. He's back there, back in Afghanistan and the doctors warn him he might lose his hand. He can't breath, there are alarms going off and he's going to lose his arm. A hand grips his shoulder firmly and Steve is there in front of him, bringing him sharply back to reality.

"Steve?" Except it comes out more as Stebe because of his swollen lip.

Steve cups his cheek. "Right here. Nurses are coming. You set off all kinds of alarms."

"Sorry…I…I thought…" He chokes up. The army had made him see some shrinks to deal with the PTSD, when they thought they could still use him. Before they decided he was a lost cause. It's still there though. It will probably never go away. And now he can't even form a sentence.

"It's okay."

The nurses shoo Steve off the bed but he stays close enough to hold Bucky's hand. The nurses don't argue. They prod and poke him and he tries to pretend it doesn't hurt, that everything doesn't ache. As they finish up there's another knock.

"Sorry for interrupting. NYPD."

Bucky takes a shaky breath and holds Steve's hand tighter. "How can I help you?"

"We want to get a statement, see if we can track down who did this to you."

Bucky purses his lips and tells them about three guys and one saw his tattoo. He tells them about the guy being army and how they punched him and dragged him into the alley. He chokes up when he gets to his attackers talking about cutting off his tattoo.

"Can't you do this later?" Steve snaps.

One of the detectives nods. "Of course, think we got enough for now. Thanks."

Bucky looks at Steve once they're alone. He feels so tired and everything hurts. "Steve…"

"It's okay. I'm here. I'm so sorry I wasn't on time. I'm so sorry."

"No, shut up, don't be. Should have been able to handle them." He can't look at Steve. He should be stronger. That was the point of all those years, to be stronger, not let some homophobic morons beat the shit out of him like all the cliche stories in the local section of the newspaper.

Steve kisses the back of his hand, the only part of him that isn't injured. "You're not perfect, James Barnes. And I love you anyway."

-

With nothing else to do, he goes with Steve to his work, sits at the front desk when Steve is with a customer.

The piercer, Gabe, had joined him since Peggy was busy too but he's got a customer now so it's just Bucky and his thoughts. He watches silently as Steve bends over some woman's back.

He can see Steve laughing, keeping up a steady stream of conversation.

"Boy virgins are the worst," Peggy sighs, taking a seat beside him. The guy she was working on is slowly making his way up to the counter to pay, trying not to let his girlfriend know it hurts. "Trying to be tough, acting like they can handle it even if it's on the bloody bone. It's okay to cry you know. No magical fairy is going to steal your balls."

Bucky's eyes widen. He's heard her curse and she can drink him under the table but he doesn't think he's ever going to get used to it. "Are we talking about that guy or me?"

She laughs as she punches in the amount the guy owes. "Smart boy, James."

-

Steve started drawing when he was five and he never stopped. He told Bucky about it, scribbling on the walls with crayons and in notebooks at school and when he met Peggy, on her skin. Getting beat for it but he never stopped. Since moving in together, years ago now, Bucky noticed that Steve liked to curl up in the window seat. He has his sketchbook in his lap and there's no sound but Steve's pencil scratching over paper.

Bucky stretches his arm carefully, remembering everything the doctors said about taking care of it. "Do you have work today?" He whispers.

Steve looks over with a warm smile. "How do you feel?"

"Like shit, like every morning." Steve's smile turns into a faint frown and the sketchbook is set aside and Bucky tries not to show how pleased he is when Steve's hands gently nudge him onto his stomach and massage his shoulder. "Sorry," he mumbles into the pillow.

"For what?"

"For needing you to take care of me. For not being the man you fell in love with." He presses his face against the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut tight enough he saw stars. "I'm so fucked up, Steve."

Steve mouths his shoulder. "I took home a man who I knew was a soldier, who decided to go to where the worst fighting was. And when he decided I was home, I knew it wouldn't be easy but you know what?" He kisses the spot behind his ear and waits for Bucky's grumbled what. "I wanted it. I wanted him. No matter what."

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by lanyon <3  
> Title from Your Bones by Of Monsters and Men


End file.
